Learning Resource Centre (Library) @ Kendriya Vidyalaya, Madurai

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Any Time Any Where Information 4U

BOOK JOKES 4U

BOOK JOKES AND HUMOUR

TEACHER: Who is your favorite author?

PUPIL: George Washington.

TEACHER: But George Washington never wrote any books.

PUPIL: You got it.

 

LIBRARIAN: Why don’t you take home a Dr. Seuss?

PUPIL: I didn’t know he made house calls.

 

TEACHER: How many books did you finish over the summer?

PUPIL: None. My brother stole my box of crayons.

 

TEACHER: How many books have you read in your lifetime?

PUPIL: I don’t know. I’m not dead yet.

 

TEACHER: What did you learn from your history book about Harriet Beecher Stowe?

PUPIL: If you draw a beard and a stovepipe hat on her, she looks exactly like Abraham Lincoln.

 

TEACHER: What does your history book tell you about the Civil War?

PUPIL: It doesn’t tell me anything. I have to read the dumb thing.

 

My father gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.

I couldn’t find the words to thank him.

 

If you don’t know what the word “dictionary” means,

where would you look it up?

 

TEACHER: Why are you holding your textbook up to the window?

PUPIL: You told me to open it up to the Middle East.

 

TEACHER: Where is South America?

PUPIL: I don’t know.

TEACHER: Where is Greenland?

PUPIL: I don’t know.

TEACHER: Where is Bulgaria?

PUPIL: I don’t know.

TEACHER: Look them up in your textbook.

PUPIL: I don’t know where that is, either.

 

Our school librarian is very strict.

She’ll send you to the principal’s office for thinking too loudly.

 

Our school library is so quiet, when I’m sitting in there,

I can hear my hair grow

 

PUPIL: Do you have Moby Dick?

LIBRARIAN: Yes, we do.

PUPIL: I thought something smelled fishy in here.

 

LIBRARIAN: Did you enjoy reading Moby Dick?

PUPIL: I couldn’t finish it. I got seasick.

 

PUPIL: Do you have Oliver Twist in hard cover?

LIBRARIAN: Yes, we do.

PUPIL: Well, let him out; he’s a friend of mine.

 

TEACHER: Tell the class what book you read.

PUPIL: Black Beauty.

TEACHER: And tell the class what it was about.

PUPIL: It was about 120 pages.

 

LIBRARIAN: Did you enjoy reading The Hunchback of Notre Dame?

PUPIL: Well, I read the first 100 pages, then I found out it wasn’t about football.

 

Our school library is so quiet you can hear a pin drop and if it does;

the pin will be sent to the principal’s office.

 

TEACHER: Tell the class what book you read and what you thought of it.

PUPIL: I read the phone book, but I didn’t understand it. It had too many characters.

 

TEACHER: Tell the class what book you read and then tell them something about the plot.

PUPIL: I read “The Life of Thomas Jefferson.” He dies at the end.

My teacher says our schoolbooks are a magic carpet that will take us all over the world.

I took mine to the garage and had them fitted with seat belts.

 

All of my schoolbooks have pictures in them,

even if I have to draw them myself.

 

My teacher caught me drawing in my American Revolution textbook.

She said, “What do you think you’re doing?”

I said, “Making my mark in history.”

 

One of my teachers said that I should hand in my books at the end of the year better than when I got them.

What does he want me to do, add pages?

 

My teacher told us that books are man’s best friend,

so my dog bit him.

 

My teacher says we should treat our schoolbooks just like we treat one another.

So after school, I picked a fight with my History book.

 

MOTHER: How come you never bring any books home?

SON: Mom, they’re schoolbooks, not home books.

 

SON: Dad, my teacher says I should have an encyclopedia.

FATHER: Nonsense, you’ll walk to school the same as I did.

 

The only thing I hate worse than carrying a lot of schoolbooks home

is having to open them once I get there.

 

If the Good Lord wanted us to bring schoolbooks home from school,

He would have put wheels on them.

Any book with George Washington’s writing in it is worth thousands of dollars.

Any book with my writing in it is worth two weeks of detention.

 

My lunch leaked all over my schoolbooks.

I now have the only geography book where the map of Turkey is covered with gravy.

 

We have to carry heavy books home, then we have to carry heavy books back to school in the morning.

If the authorities knew this was going to happen, why didn’t they build the school closer to us?

 

What do librarians hang over their babies’ cribs?

Bookmobiles.

 

What has a spine but no bones?

A book.

 

Why did the Rumanian stop reading for the night?

To give his Bucharest (book a rest).

 

Why was the library so messy?

Because it was full of litter ature.

 

What would you get if you crossed a comedian and an Edgar Allan Poe story?

The wit and the pendulum.

 

What would you get if you crossed a locomotive with the author of Tom Sawyer?

A choo choo Twain.

 

How did the author of Tom Sawyer learn to ride a bicycle?

With Twain ing wheels.

 

Did you read the dachshund’s autobiography?

It’s a long story.

 

What happened when the bloodhound wrote his autobiography?

It got on the best smeller list.

 

What books were ordered from Prague?

Czech (check) books.

 

Which mythological character carried the maps?

Atlas.

 

What was the name of the book about a trio of adventurous French cows?

The Three Moo sketeers.

 

What book is about a rodent pioneer?

“Little Mouse on the Prairie.”

 

What did they call Tom Sawyer’s friend after he lost a lot of weight?

“Huckleberry thin (Finn).”

 

What do Peter Pan and noon have in common?

Neither have a shadow.

 

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National Book Week, 14-20, Nov.2013

Happy Book Week , My dear Readers !!! Expand your horizon of knoweledge via books........all through.......always....all ways

National Book Week, Nov.14-20, 2013

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World Book DayNovember 20th, 2013
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